It's one of the ironies of life. Something that can help you succeed so much in one area of your life can be a problem in another. I noticed this happening with me more and more over the years until I decided to do something to stop it.
I've been involved in the markets for over two decades, which means trading isn't just what I do; it's also become who I am. The same traits I have in the markets carry over into other areas of my life.
I used to pride myself on being a better observer than others. My ability to pick up on the smallest details in the markets and analyse how that may impact potential outcomes made me a successful trader. But over the years, my inner observer became my Achilles' heel.
Rather than my observations being confined to the financial markets, they also started to spread to my everyday life. In a similar way to how I could pick out problems in price behaviour, I began finding faults in everyone and everything. I started to become more and more critical of the world around me.
The problem was that my constant critical thinking was starting to impact my personal life. I was becoming a grump, always finding something to complain about.
More than one person on my team commented on how I always managed to be critical of their work but rarely praised them. This is despite knowing that studies conclusively show praise is much more effective for getting the best out of people than criticism is.
But when it really stood out to me was when my girlfriend showed me something she liked but caveated it with a bit of sarcasm, joking that I'd probably find a problem with it. It was at this point that I realised this was becoming an issue. I needed to turn off that part of my brain and focus on myself rather than finding flaws in everything else.
Here's how I did it:
- Mindfulness meditation - By being more consciously aware of thoughts that arise, I'm less likely to act out on them automatically. Instead, I can decide whether the thought is helpful and if saying it out loud will have a positive or negative impact. Slowly over time, this helped to reduce the critical thoughts in the first place, allowing me to restrict them more to my trading sessions.
- Practice gratitude - Although having a gratitude practice sounds like a wishy-washy concept, the research is very clear on how powerful it can be for us in a positive way. Doing this daily helped me shift back to a more positive frame of mind overall, and whenever I slipped into a negative train of thought during the day, I would take a moment to think of all the things I was grateful for. This helped me shift my focus from what was wrong to what was right.
- Focus on solutions - Instead of dwelling on what was wrong, I started to focus on finding solutions. This helped me become more proactive and less reactive. It also meant I could understand situations where things were flawed but better than the solutions or alternatives and, therefore, not worth criticising.
- Embrace imperfection - I learned to accept that nothing and no one is perfect. This allowed me to be more forgiving and to let go of my critical thinking.
- Take breaks from screens - Spending too much time looking at screens can make us more critical and negative. So, I made sure to take breaks from my computer and phone and spend time in nature or doing something physical.
However, there was something even more critical than those five points. Something that I resisted for many years but which helped me immeasurably was having a weekly appointment with a therapist. Understanding more about myself shed light on how and why I was acting or thinking in particular ways. This allowed the five tips above to be even more effective.
In conclusion, turning off my inner observer was a journey, but it was worth it. I'm now a happier, more relaxed person and a better trader because of it. So, if you find yourself in a similar situation, don't be afraid to take some time for yourself and work on taming your inner observer. Trust me, you won't regret it.